Something mildly amusing happened the other day whilst a pal of mine (we'll call him 'Evil Chin Rack') was over...
We were chatting about a mutual friend (we'll call him 'vag man in blender land') of ours and Evil decided to give vag man a call. Now, I also wanted to talk to vag man, and I thought (in my way) that the most amusing time to speak to him would be to call him just as he had put his mobile down and started to walk away... for maximum annoyance value of course...
Anyway - just as Evil had put the phone down to vag man - I dialled the number I had in my phone, only to find that the number I had stored was diconnected. So, I asked evil to shout the number out whilst I inexpertly jabbed at the keypad with my drunken finger. Hit Dial.
The phone rings, and rings, and I'm sitting here thinking "Come on vag man, I know you're fucking there you bastard pick up the phone you cant ignore me!!!". Goes to voicemail. DAMMIT. I sez (quite loudly)
Cut to a few mintues later and I get a text.
"Sorry I missed your call but I've got no battery to talk. Who is this please?"
" Bastard" says I again "He fucking knows who this is he sent me a text the other day - I'll remind him.." So I sit here thinking of a way to make him work for it. I'm not going to give him my real name cos he's just being a git. So I use my nickname amongst our friends...and also the poker nickname of my wife as a clue to who it might be.
I decide to send hm a text which says
"Mr.Dobbalina & the Crusher!"
I wonder if he'll get it? I'm thinking.
The phone goes buzz buzz tring! - A new text...
" You what...."
haha thats so him....
As I sit there wondering about if he'll ring me back and stop being a nob, a thought
slowly pervades across my consciousness.
Have I hammered the number in properly?
Not thinking for a minute that I could have possibly got it wrong - I was then hitting the send button on my next message..
"is this vag man in blender land?"
No immediate answer.
Bugger. I'm now thinking that a complete stranger is sitting at the other end of this dialogue thinking " what the FUCKING hell is going on here...? - Who is this fucking loony?.
I was right.
buzz buzz tring!!
"sorry aint got time or money to waste on silly games with you"
Oops! Oh well, if anything its an amusing story to tell at work tomorrow. Either that or I accidentally called a security forces operative and we ar enow under surveillance for terrorist activity, by their clever interception of passwords and codenames and by this new psycholinguistic professor bloke they hired, they are now quietly confident that what they intercepted actually meant "blow stuff up today 3:30pm"... oh how we chuckled - and went about our evening.
Next day
Weird stuff happens on the wifes mobile phone. 4 'private number' calls to the handset - and every time the call was answered - it tried to go 'online' in a vodafone kind of way.
Cancel.
Odd...
Paranoid. what if it WAS the anti -terrorist squad - will they steal my fireworks?
Nah dont be soft - it was just a random blokey type bloke.
That evening
buzz buz tring!!
"who's that?"
hahahahahahah. excellent its either that bloke again, or his missus has grabbed his phone and found a new number on it and is trying to sus out if anything shifty is goingon behind her back. hahaha.
"its still Mr.Dobbalina & the crusher! Who are you? (apart fromthe wrong number i called last night)"
Hoping he's got a sense of humour now, and might just chuckle to himself and leave it at that. Or maybe a long and interesting dialogue would ensue with a complete stranger - which is actually quite interesting at times.
buzz buzz tring!
"You are either kev or dan.... Am I right."
Oh dear - now he's getting paranoid that his mates are trying to stitch him up with some kind of mental byplay. I better put him straight. At least its not his missus checking up on him.
For a moment though - I thought it still might be someone I know, because I know several dans and at least one kev - its not unreasonable considering the size of the circle of friends we are connected to here.. but ... really very unlikely.... shame really - that would have been funnier somehow...
"You are wrong my friend. It is you that shouuld be dan. I truly got a wrong number. Sorry an all that..."
S'funny ol world innit?
I'm going to send him this url - I hope he reads it and maybe even gives his side of the story... might be good for a chuckle.
3 comments:
Dear Dobbalina,
Thank you for sending me the link to your story. I love the way you have just assumed that this person must be a bloke. There is one thing that i must tell you. You happen to be incorrect on this occasion.
Also your mystery wrong number is not a Security Forces Operative nor an undercover spy.
I hope that you manage to get in contact with Vag Man in Blender Land.
Catch you later.
Nothing to say Dobster.......
Actually I did have something to say - but it sort of lost impact in the various failed attempts at posting....
Sorry for assuming you were a bloke - Typical male oriented mind set eh?
Hope you enjoyed the rest of the stuff - except maybe the bit about women hating - which you shouldnt take too seriously. If I were to be accurate it would have to be something along the lines of "...nearly all the new single women aged 21 - 30 I have met so far in my life tend to harbour secret neuroses about something, and generally tend to turn out to be closet Psycho Hose Beast Bunny Boilers who wouldnt know how to handle a long term relationship if it was wrapped in cotton wool and were given special 'relationship handling' gloves for the task..."
" Nearly all sweeping generalisations are partly innacurate "
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