Drinking at home ftw!!!

As most drinking is done during someone's free time, I suppose it can be considered as a hobby... maybe even a lifestyle... Lots of hard work and dedication goes into drinking properly. You have to know when to mix and when not to mix, when cocktails are acceptable and when they are not, when to switch to shorts and of course Tequila timing is paramount to the success of any Alco-holocaust.

All learning is field based, and all performance improvement is self driven. There are a number of drinking books (mainly about cocktails) which are referred to on a regular basis. Every drinking night is a competition, mainly to stay in control of your faculties and to be able to pronounce words in an audible manner for the longest period of time possible.

I consider drinking at home to be a skill which is perfected over several years. It takes commitment, perseverance and patience to constantly encourage your friends to realise that having a drink at home is better than going to the pub.

This is how the argument usually goes...

Cost

Beer is expensive over here.

A case of 24 cans of beer will cost you in the region of £16.00.
This equates to £1.50 per pint.
Pub prices are roughly £2.50 a pint. (depending on region / access to student bars)

To show a more practical demonstration:
6 people go out for a night. They each consume (on average) 8 pints of beer in the evening. 48 pints are consumed in total.

48 pints at pub prices (@2.50 a pint) = £120.00

48 Pints if purchased for home consumption = £32.00
Saving £88.00 - which is enough for approximately 132 more cans of beer!!

The figures speak for themselves.

Transport
Getting to and from the pub is a pain in the rear end. Taxi's cost in the region of £8, each way or more if it is after midnight. Of course you could use the bus, but public transport is generally only available at socially inconvenient times and is unreliable/unpleasant. You could cycle but then there is always the chance of the wandering rogue who takes perverse pleasure in stealing key pieces of your bike, or if this is not possible, thinks it is hilarious to stamp on your wheels until they are a lovely crescent shape. This means that the most reliable way to get into town is to drive, which then means one of you is unable to have a drink, and you have to find somewhere to park where your car will not get stolen, vandalised or hit by the aforementioned irregular buses.

Environment
There's nothing worse than going to a drinking house, and finding the place ram-packed with red-eyed idiots who are all involved in a strutting contest to prove who is the most gorgeous / most tough / most sexy / has the biggest or loudest car/ stupidest hair / most piercings / can drink the most / can drink the fastest / can shout the loudest /can arm-wrestle anyone / most able to reproduce the kick boxing style of Jean-Claude van Damme / has the most expensive clothes / is wearing the most make-up etc etc etc.

Some people say that this is the best part of going out. I disagree.

I prefer to have a drink with my friends without having to resort to fending off the same idiot stranger who came up to me earlier in the evening barely able to stand saying things like "I'm so drunk" and "God I'm wrecked hahahahah" whilst spilling his beer over my trousers/neck or vomiting into the gutter outside the pub.

I hate having to fight my way to the overcrowded bar, which is usually shoulder to shoulder with 6 people who all want a drink, but have nominated one person to do the buying, but then CROWD ROUND so no-one else can get to the bar.

Then you have to fight your way FROM the bar, desperately trying not to spill anything because English Pubs/Bars haven't quite grasped the concept of Tray's... Why wait 10 minutes for an over-priced beverage standing next to some spotty teenager who overdosed on perfume/makeup/aftershave, when it takes less than a minute to go and get a fresh, ice-cold beer from my fridge, and put it in a glass without lipstick on. (the glass - not me)

There are generally never enough places to sit, and even if there are, then you have to run the 'is there any chewing gum on my chair or in a strategically hidden place which I don't know about until I get up and find that my knee is covered with someone else's gum' gauntlet, and then theres the usual collection of overdressed women who are wearing shoes which are just too damn high for them!!!...and they spill their drink on you every time they walk past. (in some circles this is considered a bona-fide chat-up technique)

I'm not even going into the usual collection of couples who after a few drinks decide to settle all of the household arguments that they have been keeping quiet about for the past 5 years, amidst floods of tears and runny makeup, shouting, breaking glass vand screaming etc etc.

That is of course, only if you manage to meet the absurd dress requirements of some of these places and can actually get in past the bouncer who has an IQ the same as his height in feet...

I could continue but I think I have made my point.



In favour of Drinking at home

• At home, there are always plenty of comfortable seats.
• The beer is cheaper and the one you want is always available.
• The music isn't too loud, too quiet or too rubbish.
• The people are guaranteed to be people you know and like, who aren't going to ask you to arm wrestle them, or even worse accuse you of 'looking at them funny' and offer you out for a fight.
• We don't crowd round the fridge whilst someone gets us all a beer.
• There's a plentiful supply of food, which again is cheaper than buying it en route to, from or in the pub.
• You don't need a taxi to get there and back, and you can even sleep over if you are too drunk to walk.
• There's a bathroom which does not look like the US air force have just been over in a strategic air strike, and it doesn't have a queue of people outside waiting to use it.
• You can watch and hear the TV if you want it on, and no-one shouts at you for turning it over or off.
• You can drink after hours, and right on into the night and even the next day if you want.
  You can play cards/Dominoes/Mah-Jongg without having to fend off staggering buffoons who seem intent on knocking every single table and chair over.
• The tables are clean and the ashtray's don't have half a ton of empty crisp bags in them.
• You can leave your coat and bag wherever you like and it wont get stolen/vomited on/covered in beer.
• There is no dress code. (in fact clothing is entirely optional for women)

Having read this however, please appreciate that I am 36 now, and married, so this is surely a symptom... or maybe I am just too lazy to go drinking in town.

Its not agoraphobia, its a hatred of the public and their stupidity...

(Be aware that this type of scenario only really applies to drinking in the UK. Drinking on the continent or while on holiday is another matter entirely...)